The RHOA

Sunday's episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta was off the chain! It started off with Kenya visiting her doctor who informed her that she has a rare chance of being able to conceive a child, but asked if she wanted to adopt. That was not an option for her. Then she goes to a fertility clinic with Ms. Lawrence, her hairdresser. Kenya gives the staff the criteria she wants for her sperm donor.  He must be at least six feet and three inches. He has to have a slim nose and green eyes. Poor Kenya. She is one sick chick.

Then we jump to Cynthia telling Peter everything that happened at the vineyard. Mainly that Kandi talked about him. She then proceeds to blow that conversation out of context, getting Peter wiled up and now he wants to confront Kandi, when it wasn't even said the way she implied that it was said. They are so messy! I have been married before and I never even thought to tell him what me and my friends discussed. I don't know what has happened with Cynthia. She has gotten so messy! Ewww!

Phaedra has hired Dwight to plan the party for her son - Mr. President. It was so over the top it was down right embarrassing! It was  obvious that her husband, Apollo was not interested in being there. He and Phaedra bickered constantly, forgetting they had on mikes, evidently. It was strange to say the least.

Nene had planned a sleepover for the couples on the show and had a suite reserved. She seemed to be bouncing off the walls. She paced the floor talking trash, throwing jabs and insults as if she were trying to get everyone wiled up. Her first game was a question and answer session. It seemed all of the questions were written to get a rise from the couple that it was aimed at. Her friends Chuck Smith and his wife were there. Christopher Williams and his wife were there as well. Nene went off when Kenya finally arrived because she was late. Before she had a chance to even sit down good Nene brought up the issue that Kenya had said to Christopher's wife when they were up at the vineyards about Christopher telling folks that he is single and she is just his common law wife. Christopher stands up and walks to the bar. Porsha asks him to stay in his seat. He turns to tell Kenya that he don't know what meds she is on...and she said she is on the same meds he is on. She then begins to explain what she really says, and Christopher's wife says, "Don't back peddle now!" Kenya says I am not back peddling and stands and starts walking towards Christopher's wife quickly and he steps in front of Kenya saying, "No, no, no!" and she says "Get your hands off me. And suddenly her boy Brenda, I mean Brandon jumps up and runs up on Christopher saying, "Take your hands off her! Don't you dare touch her!" Peter rushes over to step between Brandon and Christopher and Apollo joins in to restrain Brandon. Brandon attempts to get away from their grasp and accidently hits Apollo in the face. Apollo snaps and as Brandon falls back onto the bean bag chair, Apollo is swinging on him. Brandon is kicking Apollo and he's being held back by his wife and Kandi. Peter is holding Brandon down and is punching him. Apollo breaks away from their hold and begins to beat Brandon. The crew rushes in and breaks up the melee.  The camera pans out to the shocked faces of all in the room. It ends up on Nene - who started this whole mess standing there she is shocked as well. Girl, you know you started this mess. First of all, you said this event was to bring the couples closer, to allow them to air their differences and all of that. You are not a marriage counselor! How are you going to help them to do this? All she did was stir up the pot, as usual and act like she is innocent. This was a mess and I saw it coming!

Then she gets up in Kenya's face and accuses Kenya of starting the mess. If Nene really wanted to help these people, she would not have designed the questions to cause drama. She would not have mentioned the mess Kenya had said to Christopher's wife. The worst part of it hasn't even happened yet. On February 9 the second part airs. In that segment we get to see Peter confront Kandi about talking about him having a past to his wife. And then another fight breaks out. If the producers don't get Kenya off the show I do believe that someone will get hurt physically. Kenya is a nut case. We can deal with Nene. But Nene and Kenya together is too much. One of them has to go and that person should be Kenya. She is not a housewife. She has never been a housewife. Just like she and Walter were not a couple, there is no African prince. Let the maniac go!

What's A Girl To Do?

I have been writing ever since I was a little girl. Now when I say "writing" I really mean telling stories. You see, I didn't know how to write yet, but I sure did know how to tell a story. However, I thought I was writing. I would get my hands on a piece of paper, any kind of paper - an old envelope, a paper bag...anything. I would scribble down letters and then I would share that story, "reading" it from the pages. Those stories got and held people's attention.

As a teenager in the 60s and early 70s I would read those romance magazines and make up my own stories. I shared them with my classmates. I also wrote letters for my classmates. If someone was interested in a boy and wanted him to know, I would write him a love letter. If someone wanted to break up with someone, I wrote those too. I was good at that. I loved writing letters.

I was married and living in New Mexico when I began to write my life story. I was twenty-three years old and honestly believed I had lived enough life that folks would be interested in reading my story. As the years passed I added more information, and when I was ready to get an agent so I could get it published I printed it off and let a close relative read it. She, of course was a big part of the story of my life. I thought she would be honored that I mentioned her. She was livid! "Have you lost your mind? Is that how you perceive me? You can't publish this mess! What is our family and (her friends) going to think?" she asked, very angry. I decided that I would change it up a bit...okay a lot and get it published anyway. 

First I had to get an agent and it proved to be harder that I ever imagined. That was back in 2000. I would mail off five letters at a time and within a couple of weeks I would get five responses. "Though I enjoyed the synopsis of your book, it is not something I am interested in at this time." I got over 300 rejection letters from agents. Then I was told about a relative that had published a book. I got her contact information and called her. I had met this cousin when she was a little girl and I was a teenager. She didn't remember me and I didn't expect her to. She told me about her book, but didn't tell me how she came to be a published author, which was why I had contacted he in the first place. Each time I asked her she would be vague. What I did learn was that she had self-published. She bragged about having her own publishing company. I was so impressed! Would she help me? Would she publish my book? She just wasn't going to tell me anything so I stopped asking.

I contacted a print on demand company and sent my manuscript off to get published along with a check for $5000! In return I got ten "free" copies of my first book, Through the Fire. I ordered a few hundred copies of my book that I had a price tag of $18.95! While visiting another website I read a post by an author named Shelia V. who had used a print on demand company as well. She and I both were unhappy with our book deals. We emailed each other regularly and then began to talk on the phone. I told her about my cousin who had self published and had her own publishing company. On a three-way call, with me being silent, Shelia contacted my cousin. Willingly, my cousin gave her all the information she needed to get on the road to being a self published author. I was in the background writing down everything! 

I contacted the print on demand company I had used and wanted to know why I had never received a royalty check. People were always telling me they had ordered my book from amazon.com. A few days later I got a check for $1.56! If a book is selling for $18.95 what percentage is $1.56? I wrote the company telling them to stop printing my book. 

 I took some time and learned more about self publishing. I thought long and hard  and came up with a name for my publishing company. I decided to name it "That Special Touch, Ink." I purchased a couple of books about self-publishing and marketing. I ordered ISBNs from Bowker. I had my daughter design my logo. I ordered letterhead, envelopes, business cards and post cards from vistaprint.com. 

I was going to be on the Oprah Winfrey show! And my book would be the book of the month and I would be rich! That was my plan! Well it didn't work out that way at all.  I have published 2 books that I self published. I recently decided to do some eBooks. I have two eBooks available, one is my first book Through the Fire and a suspense book called Hello Maribeth!

I know I am a good writer. People have been telling me that for twenty years. However, now there are so many books out there, learning how to put my book in the forefront is not so simple. With self publishing being so easy now, (createspace.com and eBooks) everyone and their momma is publishing a book.

I didn't get called by the Oprah show, therefore I am no where near rich. I am not even well off. I am not even nearly there! But now my goals have changed. It is no longer my goal to be rich. My goal now is to have people read my book and enjoy it enough to let others know about it. For a true writer, that is all  many of us want. 

I enjoy writing, so I will continue to put out quality books, but I will step up the marketing side. I don't want to be the author who passes away and then everyone realizes how well a writer the person is. Give me my flowers while I am alive to smell them!

To Watch or Not to Watch...That is the Question

I am all for supporting African American programming. I tuned in every Wednesday night to catch The Cosby show when it came on. I did the same for Family Matters, Girlfriends, A Different World and even today I enjoy reruns of Sanford & Son. Somewhere along the line programs changed up on me and I was not on board. I may be the only African American female not hooked on Scandal. I didn't watch the show when it premiered and based on what folks have told me, its hard to catch up now. That is hilarious! Not since Dallas have I been addicted to a program. And we know how long ago that ended! So, let me see if I get this right - because I didn't see the first episode, I will never be able to understand what is going on with Fritz, the President and Olivia? That is nuts! Not one to believe the hype, I turned to Scandal one night recently and tried to see what all the hoopla is about. Olivia and her father were arguing about her staying, no get on the plane, no staying, no get on the plane. In the end she made her own decision and...folks were right I didn't get it. I had missed too much of the show to know what was going on. That was it for me.

Now we have Being Mary Jane or is it Being Pauletta? She is called both - I am going to go out on a limb and say that Pauletta is the name her parents gave her. I don't know because I missed the first episode! My first episode was Mary Jane doing a segment of the news where there is a very bad storm brewing and an elderly couple refuses to leave their home. Her producer is a little bull dog and forces Mary Jane to do an interview with the couple, whose lives are in danger. She doesn't want to do it because she feels the network is exploiting the couple. Suddenly the electricity goes off and they lose contact with the couple and it is assumed that perhaps they are now injured or dead. In the next episode we learn they are still very much alive. 

Fast forward to Mary Jane and Andre, the married man she is sleeping with. They met at the gym and they also have sex at the gym. Andre is fine as wine, but he is someone else's husband! Not just a husband, but he also has children. And that is where I have a problem. I turned the first night because it hit me in the pit of my stomach that here goes yet another show where an intelligent, successful (as far as her career is concerned) African American woman has settled into the role of being someones mistress. Well, actually she hasn't really settled...we see her all of the time grappling with the issue of it, i.e. "I can't do this! I wasn't raised this way! I'm a good girl!" This is said right before she pulls him in and undresses him. 

The wife confronts Mary Jane about sleeping with her husband. Mary Jane's attitude is at first a little arrogant, to me. When the wife asks her if she has met his family, his friends, have they gone out in public together...well, her attitude changes because they just have sex and argue about just having sex. I am so done with this show.

I was married once to a man that had an affair with another woman. I can feel for Andre's wife, keeping the house clean, taking care of the children, helping them with homework, sports events, class plays, bake sales, and doing it all alone. I am the wife in the closet crying her heart out because her husband is not faithful. It is just a show, you may say, however, for me it reaches too close to home and I don't find anything entertaining about watching an adulterous relationship played out, no matter how sexy the writer and director makes the scene. On another site I voiced my opinion and a woman suggested I was viewing it from a Christian stand point and I should give the show a chance because each week it peels back a layer of Mary Jane and it will eventually help us to understand why she is in that relationship.

My answer to that is: I am not viewing it from a Christian stand point. I am viewing it as what I see each week. A woman who is having an affair with a married man and it causes his wife hurt and pain. I have no desire to watch the layers peeled back each week to get to the core of Mary Jane. Everything is not for everyone. If you enjoy the show and find it exciting, interesting and all of that - don't let me stop you. By all means, watch it. But as for me and my household...well, at least me - I will watch reruns.

People Meet

I saw a commercial today that was so funny. A woman is in the supermarket shopping when she sees a good looking man. She is checking him out real good, but she doesn't say anything to him. Everywhere he goes she happens to be there - freezer department, fruit & vegetable department and finally at the register. It was advertising this website called Blackpeoplemeet.com. I had often heard it said that you can meet a man in the supermarket.

It reminded me of this occasion where my daughter and I were in Harris Teeter minding our own business, getting grocery. We went down the cereal aisle and was just chilling, like I said and minding our business. An elderly man was in the aisle also. He glanced at us as we stood there reading the label on a box of cereal. I heard him grunt first as if someone had hit him in the gut. I looked at my daughter to see if she had heard and was about to say something when we heard a very loud and long fart. I closed my mouth quickly because I certainly didn't want to suck that foul air into my lungs. Then we heard another sound - the sound of diarrhea! I tried to push her out of the way so I could exit the aisle, but her feet and the cart seemed to have been glued to the floor. Again, the sound of diarrhea! The elderly man glanced at us again to see if we had heard all of this...this...um...stuff. He turned to walk away quickly down the aisle and up to a cashier. His khaki pants were now stained, wet and the stuff was gaining momentum as the stain made its way down his pant leg.

I can't remember what I went into Harris Teeter for that day, but I can tell you this, we got out of there so fast we ran right past our car!

Alone...not Lonely

I am a single woman. I have been divorced for sixteen years. In that time I may have been attracted to two men. One was a busta and I found it out real quick. The only was very talkative around other females. Around me he was speechless. I knew I had that effect on guys when I was in high school, but as an adult male he was just weird! Whenever he was around me he laughed it up with my daughters and son, but with me he stumbled over himself. I didn't realize he was trying to get to me by them. I had heard of men that did that, but it was just weird and as a result nothing progressed from it.

Every time I talked to my mother she would ask me about the guy that was a busta. My answer was always the same..."Mommy, he knows better than to call me." But, one day he did call me. He had gone to Hyde County to visit his family and ran into my mother at a convenient store. He had his new wife in the car at the time, but he had the nerve to ask her for my number and she gladly gave it to him. You can imagine my surprise when my phone rang one night and I heard his voice. "Why are you calling me?" I asked him. "Your mom gave me your number," he said. "Yeah, and?" I retorted. I can't remember all of what I said...well, I do, but I don't want to have to repent twice for it.

So, what do I do with my time since I don't have a man? I sleep late some mornings, not waking until nearly ten. I get up, shower and brush my teeth. I may get dressed if i feel like it, or I may walk around in my pajamas all day long. I fix me something to eat, or I may lie down and text my son to get him to fix me something to eat. I watch TV for a while. I will check my email and respond to some of them. I will work on a writing project and check my Facebook account. If I feel like doing the laundry, I will. If I feel like making my bed, I will. If I feel like it, I might just do nothing all day long. I can stay up as late as I want watching TV. I am in control of the remote control. Most often my bed is covered in coloring books, notebooks of stories I am working on, beads I am using to make a shakere, my computer and a bedspread that has a wine spill, cookie crumbs and only God knows what else.

I get to go to my storytelling events and not have to discuss it with a mate who may say, "You were just there last year!" When I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom in the dark, I don't have to worry about the toilet seat being up. I look at some of my friends who have husbands and seeing them makes me want to always remain single.

However, for some reason my mom thinks my life would be so much more fulfilling if I had a man. It doesn't even have to be a good man, just a man. After all any man is better than no man, right? WRONG! I have told her a zillion times to stop giving my number to men. Yet, each time she runs into someone that claims to have gone to school with me, she opens her mouth and my phone number just comes rolling out. Within an hour I am getting a call from these guys that went to the same school as I did, but were not my friend. All of the conversations start the same way. Him: I ran into your mother and and I asked about you. She told me you were single and gave me your number. So, how come a pretty girl like you are still single? Me: Who is this again?

I am almost sixty years old. My children are all adults. I have a grand child. I am not lonely. I am not even alone. There are five people in my house. When we are not talking, I am watching TV and who can keep me company better than re-runs of Living Single, Martin, Family Matters, The Cosby Show and Steve Harvey. When I want some excitement I can turn to Cloo and watch all kinds of detective shows and mysteries. For drama, who better to watch than The Real Housewives of Atlanta? When I want to be reminded why I don't have a man, I will just turn to Snapped!

People, Momma's included - please give us single ladies some slack. Alone does not me lonely!

Living With Fibromyalgia

After being unemployed for over a year without any prospects in sight, I decided to go to cosmetology school and get my license. Why cosmetology school at 54 years old? I had actually decided to go to cosmetology school when I was in my early twenties. I was living in Killeen, Texas at the time and again I was unemployed. I had found a woman to babysit my daughter, who was three years old. I dropped her off at the babysitter's house and headed to the beauty school. I had just walked in, was standing at the front desk when my name was paged. I couldn't imagine who could be calling me. I answered the phone and it was my babysitter. She had realized that she wasn't a morning person, and she didn't want to babysit. She asked me to come and get my baby! I was devastated!

I tried again when I was in my thirties and had moved back to NY. Now my daughter was seven. I lived in the same building with my in-laws and I lived with my aunt. I thought I had plenty of people to help me out. I got my financial aid and and set up my schedule. I would be going to school in the evening from 5-9 pm five days a week and all day on Saturday from 9-4pm. I would drop my daughter off at my inlaws, as normal and in the evening my aunt would pick her up from their house when she got home from work. The first day of class, I was about to jump out of my skin from excitement. My aunt came upstairs to my job and I immediately noticed the look on her face. I didn't like it. She told me that she didn't want the responsibility of having to come home straight after work every day. "This isn't a good time for you to go so school," she said. I could not believe this was happening to me again!

Fast forward to 54 years old - I was not able to find a job after a year , so I went to school. Not only did I go but I did very well in school. I graduated after nine months, took my state boards and got licensed a couple of months after graduating. My first job was at a hair salon in the mall. I went to school with the goal of opening my own hair salon.When I was fired from this job, I immediately began to look for a space and into purchasing salon equipment.

I opened Zuri Hair Studio in April 2012. I had begun to notice an aching feeling in my feet, ankles, legs, hips and lower back. However, I thought it was due to standing up long hours. Then it became very difficult to  hold my arms up to do blow drying, roller sets, etc. In between clients I had to sit down and rest. I felt exhausted all of the time. I finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I was prescribed an anti-depressant. When I got to the drugstore I asked to see the patient advisory, as I normally do. I didn't like the side effects and also wondered why I was prescribed an anti-depressant. I didn't get the prescription filled. I went home and called my doctor. I wanted to talk to him first.

He told me that anti-depressants were normally prescribed for this illness. He didn't convince me that there was nothing else. I asked him to prescribe me something for just the pain. Unfortunately, I had some kind of allergic reaction to the medication and had to go to the ER. They prescribed me a different medication. A couple of days after taking it, I began to feel jittery, confused, my head hurt and I did not like the feeling. I decided to just take an over-the-counter pain pill. It wasn't strong enough to relieve my pain for long. In a couple of hours I was hurting again. In November the salon was closed. Since then, I have been struggling with issues of not being employed, not having an income and all of this stress has caused my pain to  be increased. I decided to start monitoring what I was eating and to eliminate things from my diet that caused my pain to intensify.

Processed meats were eliminated. Instead I began to purchase a broiled chicken, cut it up and make chicken salad when I wanted a sandwich that had meat on it. I also increased my intake of fresh vegetables. Kale was added to my diet because it was said to have curative properties for pain. I have not noticed any relief from eating kale yet. I have tried some stretching exercises and they do help. What has been an excellent help also is taking a shower at night. It has helped with the soreness in my joints.

There are so many aspects of this illness. I started having severe migraines, not knowing it was one of the symptoms of fibro. I also began to have severe pains in my bladder. I would get up to go to the bathroom four or more times during the night. I went to the ER for the pain. I thought I had a bladder infection. I was prescribed a antibiotic. But, it wasn't an infection. They had no idea what it was and just prescribed me a pain pill. A couple of weeks later, I went to the doctor and they ordered a internal sonogram. Everything looked normal, so it was part of fibro. The doctor suggested I drink plenty of water during the day and ease off consuming water after seven in the evening. That helped with the getting up frequently, but the pain is still there.

I was once a very active person. I am so confined to the house now that it is sad for me. There were so many things I liked to do and now I am limited in what I can do. When I have a good day, I have a tendency to overdo it because I want to get things done that I like. But then the next couple of days I am in the bed. I hope and pray that someone will find a medication that will truly help with the pain, sleeplessness and anxiety caused by fibromyalgia. Not just a medication, but a healthy one that will not have a zillion side effects much more dangerous than the illness itself.