I have never liked confrontations, so I try to nip things in the bud before they reach the point where I have to confront someone in anger. Unfortunately, sometimes; some rare occasion will develop where no matter how many times you let a person know that their behavior makes you feel some type of way, they don't get it. Let me explain what I mean by that so I don't totally confuse you. I have known a woman for many, many years. When I first met her I quickly realized that she is addicted to drama. She seems to thrive from it. Things that you and I may take as nothing big, to her is something very, very big AND she has to share it with everyone that will listen. If she burnt the toast that morning before coming to work, and someone asks how was her morning, she will spend twenty minutes talking about this mishap with the toast. Everything, and I do mean everything is a big production and it really doesn't have to be. Not only does she discuss the little things, but when something is going on in the life of anyone in her family, their issue is now her issue. You guessed it! She also has to discuss that as well.
When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, my doctor told me several things that can cause flare ups, or extend a flare up - stress. I can manage my stress by not answering the phone when a bill collector calls, telling my child No about something they want from me, and picking those who I want to allow in my tiny little circle. What I couldn't manage at first was calling this friend and having her spend the next hour or so telling me in great detail about every single thing going on in the lives of all the people she deals with. Unable to interject any worthwhile comments, I would be forced to just listen as she hopped from one person to another, going on and on. I could literally feel my pain escalating and I would do nothing about it. Last year I decided that was it, I had to put a stop to it. I called to talk to her about it. Unfortunately, before I could get the words out, she launched into her normal complaining. I kept trying to get a word in edge-wise, because after all I was the one who called her! Finally, in frustration I told her that I had another call and would call her back. I just had to get her off the phone! The next day I attempted it again. Normally, I ask "How are you doing?" which leaves the door open for her to tell me all the stuff she normally tells me, but this particular call was going to be different. I didn't ask how she was doing, instead I began to tell her why I called. I think I may have gotten out three or four words before she started to tell me the same thing she had told me the day before and many days prior...I stopped her though. I wanted her to hear me for a change. "Did you pray about this?" I asked. "Yes, I did. Anyway, I was telling..." she said. "Then leave it alone. When you pray about something, just leave it alone. You don't have to discuss it with anyone, just God," I said. "I told Him. What I was saying yesterday was that..." she said. "You already told me about it. So, just leave it alone. I called you because..." I said. "Let me just finish. So, I was telling..." she said. "I can't keep doing this. Why are you telling me this? There is nothing I can do about it, if you prayed about it, just leave it alone!" I said. "Okay! So, anyway..." she said, determined to get it out again. I laid the phone down on the bed. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I picked up the phone and she was still talking. I washed my face and moisturized. I picked up the phone and she was still talking. I took a shower, dried off and she was still talking. I got dressed and she was still talking, never once realizing I wasn't there listening. That was very sad to me. It confirmed to me that she didn't care about me as a friend. If I tell you I don't want to hear it, then stop talking about it. I attempted to tell her again and again and again, yet she never heard me. So, I stopped calling her.
My health and well-being is more important to me than the relationship we have. Most of us have enough going on in our own lives to deal with, we don't want to carry the third and fourth hand burdens of others. If listening to someones perceived problems is detrimental to my health I will make the decision not to listen to the drama. There is power in the human tongue - power to uplift and power to tear down. Prior to opening our mouths to talk, we make a decision about the words we are going to say - whether to uplift or tear down. Here we are living in a world where every single day something traumatic and dramatic is going on in the world. People are losing their jobs and going mad killing folk and beheading former co-workers. Children are being snatched off the street and go missing; some for years. Little babies are being abused and abandoned. Senior citizens can't even walk down the street in their own neighborhoods without someone walking up and punching them in the face just for sport. People are going to bed hungry, homeless, cold and alone. These are major issues that effects all of us in one way or another. So, what kind of person would think they are the only one with problems? What kind of person can be told I don't want to hear it and continues to talk about it? That is a selfish and insensitive person.
No one wants to hear complaining all of the time. It saps our joy! It robs the listener of their own happiness because it brings them down. It ruins our day. It makes us sick, literally. It shows a lack of faith. It is debilitating. It causes unnecessary anger. It ruins, and ends friendships. Stop complaining! If you are dealing with something, just know that you are not the only one in the whole world dealing with something. The only people on the earth not dealing with something are under the earth - they are dead! So, if everyone is dealing with something, wouldn't it mean more to a person to encourage them, to pray for and with them? Wouldn't it mean more to send a card, write an encouraging note or letter? If you know your sister or brother is going through something, wouldn't it be more loving to say something to make them feel better?
I am not going to let anyone else drag me down with complaining! Each of us have the power to make that decision. If you have told this person you are not going to listen anymore and they don't love you enough to stop, leave them alone. It will be uncomfortable at first, but you've given them the opportunity to stop and they didn't. When they approach you with the guilty feelings, "You don't call me no more," tell them why. Then move on!
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