I don't know if it comes with age or experience, but there are certain things that happen in life that I know for sure. I think I'm safe in saying it is a combination of both. When I was a young woman I spent so much time trying to please others, always biting my tongue to keep peace, never standing up for myself to certain people. I allowed them to attempt to change me, to make me something that I was not, and did not want to be. By being silent, I gave them power over me, and though I tugged and stiffened, my silence gave them the impression that they had succeeded. What they had succeeded in doing was making my life miserable and made me always be on the defensive - silently. Inside I was fuming, cussing mad, but outside I held it in. As a result I was diagnosed with ulcers in my twenties. After that diagnosis, I began to speak up. If I were not happy, I let the person know.
I came to realize that some people live such miserable lives, trapped in a relationship where they cannot speak out for fear of being made fun of, not taken seriously, or to be belittled that when they get the chance to be the aggressor they take it. The best thing you can do for a person like that is just to leave them alone, separate yourself from them. You don't have to submit to that abuse, and that is certainly what it is.
There are women out there that dislike you so much that they will feign a relationship with you, just so they can be aware of your every move. When you have a conversation with them, they challenge everything that you say. We've all met them. If you say the sky is blue, they will challenge you with the sky is actually green. If you say its up, they say its down. They use endearing terms like the B-word in reference to you. I have never found anything endearing about being called a female dog. If you have a man, look out because this is the type of woman that will make a pass at your man. Oh yeah! If you get word of it, she will say that she was doing you a favor to see if he was faithful. Everybody that smiles in your face is not your friend. In fact, your friends list may only have a couple or three names on it. Call these folk what they are, you will certainly be happier for it. HATERS!
In the middle of the night you will be awaken by a noise. You will not be sure if it came from outside, or inside. You strain, trying to listen out for it again, but you never hear it again. But, now you are awake and uneasy. You will not be able to go back to sleep until you get up and walk through your home making sure all the doors are secured and the windows locked. Are you brave enough to do it alone? I am not, so I usually get my son to walk through with me. When I wake him, he is hot! Silently, but quickly I am following close behind him looking around. Of course, there is no one else in the house. When you lay back down, get comfortable and warm again, there's the noise again. Its just the Devil. He knows he only has a little while left, so he is extremely busy! If he can't sleep, you will not be able to sleep either. (I only know this because my grandmother used to say it...I'm really not 100% on board with that one yet)
There is no shortcut to weight loss. There is no pill, no drops, no green frothy drink, or fruity smoothie that can substitute real, long term weight loss. I had never had a problem with my weight. Then in 1993 I got married to a man and his parents. Those three drove me crazy. In one year I had gained over 100 pounds! Mind, you I was pregnant, but the baby only weighed 8lbs, so all of the rest of that was pure fat! Since I had never been fat before, I was either in denial or crazy. The same sexy clothes I wore at a size 7/8 or a 9/10 I was wearing at a size 22W (W = wide load). I had to overhear someone saying that I was fat before I took a look in the mirror and saw that she was right. I was a big, big girl! I joined a gym. I changed my eating habits. If I got up and had a bowl of Raisin Bran for breakfast and a glass of juice, that was a nutritious breakfast. I didn't have to try and make up for it at lunch by going to an all you can eat buffet and acting like I was setting up residency there. I changed my diet plan. I now had a salad and 1/2 sandwich for lunch, or a bowl of soup and 1/2 sandwich. I kept the weight off for many years. I am a stress eater, and as a result I have gained about 35 of those pounds back. I am back on track and have started eating healthy and exercising again. to get the added weight off.
I finally relearned, and accepted that people come and go and once their purpose in our lives have been fulfilled that's it. It's over and instead of chasing them, trying to use guilt to remind them of how we used to be, just let them go. Make new friends, and keep it moving. Don't whine about it, it isn't attractive.
Within thirty minutes of meeting a man, you will be exposed to everything you need to know about him to make a decision as to whether you want to see him again. Trust me on this one. If you are supposed to meet at 7:30 and he arrives at 7 and waits impatiently for you to get there, has an attitude when you finally walk into the room, let that be the last date. You see, this man is impatient about everything. He is also demanding and not trustworthy. He will make you feel inferior and unworthy of him and will sap all of your self esteem before you can blink. Let him go. Now, suppose he arrives at 8:00 or after. You've been sitting there waiting and waiting and he comes in all nonchalant, like he is on time. As he is talking to you, his eyes are roaming the room as if he is looking for someone, someone better perhaps. He wants to know what you do for a living, does it pay well, where you live, what kind of car you drive, do you have family here...too many personal questions - and those are very personal, is letting you know that as soon as he gets a chance he is putting his stakes down at your crib. We pick up the vibes and we ignore them. When he starts tripping, and he will start tripping, we have the nerve to act so hurt, shocked even that he treated us this way after all we've done for him. Stop it, ladies. Seriously!
There is nothing wrong with my natural hair. This is the stuff that God blessed me with. I love my hair. It doesn't matter if I am wearing it curly, locked, puffs, braids, or twists, I love my hair. I have worn it relaxed too. I am not going to knock the sisters who are relaxed, no! But, they need to also know they don't have the right to knock the natural sisters either. I've read comments from some of these relaxed sisters saying stuff like, "I wish that sistah would comb her hair!" "She needs to cut that mess off of her head!" And don't even let me talk about the things I've seen people write about Blue Ivy Carter! Poor baby! As for me I am going to be natural and proud of it. As African Americans We put so much stock in our hair that it is truly a multi-billion dollar business. Now that there is this "natural revolution" the big markets have picked up on that and now they are trying to turn our natural hair care into a multi-billion dollar business. There are hair care products on the market for natural hair that are priced at $54 for a 4 oz jar of "hair smoothie" or "stretching creme". Back in the day when we were all natural, we would shampoo and condition our hair, put some pomade or oils on it, braid it or twist it and have these big beautiful Afros. Now we have to have stretching cremes, hair smoothies,some stuff I can't spell , so-called herb based products all selling for huge amounts of money. We don't need that ladies. Trust me on this one too.
To be happy, truly happy with our lives, we must first of all have a relationship with God. We must get to know Him, live our lives in harmony with what He expects, or at least try. We have to treat others the way we want to be treated. We have to help our fellow man. The strong carrying the weak...it's in the Bible. We should be eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, cutting back or cutting out caffeine, processed foods, refined sugars, limiting our salt intake and EXERCISE. We have to limit our association with toxic people, they can literally make us sick. Yeah! All that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah is tiring, and sickening. If your friends are not uplifting you, encouraging you, promoting what you have going on in your live, let them go. Sing often, dance often and laugh always. Be happy!
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